“ Do not judge book by its cover.. “
Take a close look how someone looks —
It tells You their mental state and how they care about their being.
It tells You what kind of choices they make, habits come through.
I’m sure You’ve heard this often in Your life, most of the time people mean to not assume someone wealth by their looks — others mean what person can be capable of.
Social hierarchy
Your looks are result of Your choices and habits.
Habits are results of values.
Values are results of what is important to Your identity.
People judge others all the time, its not a bad thing, it was and still is essential to our survival and how well one is prospering.
Judgement was important to know if person is able to join hunting group —
Will he survive fight with saber tooth tiger ?
Will he be good ally to hunt with ?
Will he protect group / tribe ?
Is he strong in body and mind ? — Emotional Control
Today looking at person can tell You many of their habits and traits.
Seeing well build, strong Man who is in elegant clothes while being clean and orderly, You see his eyes — rested — and full of energy, his mind sharp and thinking clearly, his demeanor - stoic and positive, confident and having his reactions under control.
You see this Man takes care of his health and looks — peace is present within — he can be ally to goal and rise morale of Your circle.
Lets flip coin shall we ?
You see scrawny, weak boy who is wearing dusty, stained hoodie and baggy jeans that do not fit his physique, You see his eyes — tired, sad and dreamy — they are not “present in moment’’ , his mind is dull, tired and angry, he cannot think clearly.
Demeanor - emotional, lazy, sloppy - not caring, even slightest effort or situation throws him off balance, spewing tantrum and excuses.
You see this … “ man ‘‘ do not care about his health and looks — peace is not present — he will be anchor and danger to Your goals and lower morale of Your circle.
When You judge someone take into consideration :
Looks
How He or She presents their vessel to others.
Are they clean and orderly ?
Do their clothes match physique and mental growth of age ?
Acts
Are their actions for benefit of others or vile ?
Are their actions appropriate for current place and situation ?
Do they keep their word and bring results promised ?
Do they keep promise ?
Words
What language they are using ?
Is their speech 99% cussing and chaos ?
Is their speech hard to understand ?
Emotional control
How they react to what day brings ?
Do they loose control of their emotions easily - or - ever ?
Are they at peace and thinking rationally what is good move to do now ?
What is necessary to bring good outcome in this situation.
Respect within and to others
How do they address people ? Is it respectful ?
Do they allow disrespect ?
How do they address people in heat of the moment ?
How do they convey their message when they get defeated ?
Do they stand their ground protecting themselves / others ?
Do they when given option to help someone in dire situation - help them or crush them ?
Those are but a few guidelines, good start if You will, to have a overall grasp about ones evaluation and if that person could be blessing or curse upon Your path.
I want to close this chapter with questions for You.
Do You think that maybe Your clothes matter ?
How clean they are ?
Do they fit Your body and social calibration of event that You take part ?
Do they show Your maturity and character ?
Do they show how much You care about being perceived according to Your identity ?
Do they maybe.. just maybe also symbolize..
Respect
To You and people You meet..
If You are interested more about mindset, energy and decision - Visit my work
IQ and EQ
Intelligence — Wisdom — Emotional Intelligence
— Those are not same
Having intelligence do not mean You can understand other people well, their emotional state they are in or how they feel in certain situation.
Having wisdom can aid You — what path is correct in moment of doubt but do not mean You can solve engineering issue.
Having emotional intelligence can help You understand others, their feelings, expectations and fears, that do not mean You know what choice to make for Yourself or to help them.
To be able to lead good life and help others, directly or indirect by showing them choices of situations they are in and repercussions of it, You need combination of all character traits.
Having not develop those, will bring results that may not satisfy Your wants, urges and goals.
How do I gain those traits ?
— By living, assessing others correctly, checking their words and actions by that choosing right people that You let in to Your closer circle.
Most of all, paying attention to You, words and actions, control of emotions, understanding others, having discipline and leading Your life into direction You’ve chosen.
It takes time, so understand
Be patient
Be wise
I also want to show You other side, side that sometime is necessary to protect and de-escalate.
I live in smaller city near coal mines, prison and few elements of metropolitan infrastructure.
My town is full of : fighters, miners, hooligans, prisoners and normal folk.
During my daily walks, sometime I have interesting adventures.
Few days prior I was walking on poorly-lit side street. On left side You have forest and farm lands on right houses.
After I’ve reached top of rise on street, making my way to cross rail roads, I’ve noticed Young couple coming from forest, joining same street and heading same direction.
They didn’t see me, I was far away in darkness heading same way.
Moment after that I see bigger figure leaving shades and walking up to them.
Man tries to pull money and cigs from them, they froze because of his size and height over them also because he surprised them leaving shadows suddenly.
He unfortunately didn’t pay close attention to surroundings - Me approaching from his back.
Couple is frozen, thinking what to do - which already tells me - You failed Young Man - Yourself and Your Woman - he is Young - around 20.
I appear close behind back of this ‘‘ friendly ‘‘ big guy who wants to collect money from them - they see me - eyes get bigger as they see I wear heavy weights on my chest, arms and legs - they can see, that Man didn’t notice Me.
I see indecision in boys eyes - Ok.
I speak to Man whose back is turned to me and he is in close distance
“ Are You sure about that ? “
He froze, tense like stricken with lightning - He was not expecting anyone to be behind him - He is stiff not moving.
I waited for a second behind him -
‘‘ You both are free to leave ‘‘
They smiled, with gratitude and went their way leaving ‘‘ frozen ‘‘ Man and me in darkness.
I waited a bit for them to gain distance and I moved side to side with a Man.
‘‘ Have a good night ‘‘ - I wished to him
Man “ Ohh .. Yeah .. You too “ he slowly went away to dark that he came from - some house that crawl with his “ kind “.
My height was around chest of this Man - He noticed as they did - heavy weights on my chest,arms and legs. He noticed tone of my voice - how calm it was - certain and in control.
He saw my eyes as I went closer to him - He understood - I am not weak as they were - easy prey - I can ‘‘ dance ‘‘ and I will if You will try to.
Respect is important - I didn’t provoke him - I didn’t disrespect him - I just introduced a little novelty into his plan.
” Black Swan “
— Nassim Taleb
EQ - Street Intelligence - Streed Cred
Reading peoples intentions / posture / way of movement / energy
Quick exchange on same street near dark parts of it. Late hour in night —
I hear louder, obnoxious, direct and dis-respective
“ Hey! Hey! — ‘‘ tries to slow You down and catch up to You
“ Good evening! “ - continues
“ Not to — You “ - I reply
Pause, stopped in his tracks —
“ I see.. I understand “ - He left
Hes been around - I thought.
Explanation for those who didn’t live through it :
His tone, posture, way of movement implicated that he will throw hands to get something from me - prob thought of coin or phone.
I de-escalated it by going in immediately - He knew - He has been around streets and hoods.
I wouldn’t recommend especially Women, to walk around night even If You are in Your hood where everyone knows You.
Reason why I adapt and use different methods for different situations is experience.
10 years of martial arts and lifting weights give me abilities to protect myself and others.
EQ - Street Intelligence - Cred
95% of my walks are peaceful in beautiful scenery, sometime I meet people and we greet each with nod or small kindness.
Because I know, I feel, I’ve been in those situations many times.
What I want You to take from it is this :
Be respectful, see situation as it is, do not assume good intentions, see act and movement of person.
Do not provoke people, do not disrespect them, do not destroy their dignity - It is dangerous.
I know what this internet world is teaching You, that there are places and situations where destroying someone or putting them down is safe and funny - It is not.
That You get no consequence, You are shielded from it behind Your screen or position - status - Not true
Nobody looks good bringing others down.
The greater person You are, bigger You become when You can mess someone but chooses respect, being composed.
People who have lower status than You
In physique / intellect / coin / situation
Appreciate Your respect / kindness / politeness
Blood not always mean Family
As above so below, one do not choose their place of birth, yet many forget that we are in control who we spend time with and who we allow to change our emotional and mental state.
During my life I’ve seen much of despicable ways family members can treat each, I also seen beautiful proof of love and protection.
There ware people who I had to remove from list of those I care about — for benefit of my well being.
At times choice was easy, other time it was painful because of misunderstandings, hopes and wishes on both sides.
Ask Yourself
Is relation beneficial to me ?
By interaction with that person, am I left in better state than I was before ?
Did I learn from it ?
Do I allow it to continue, what consequences will that leave on me ?
Should I end this relation and wish well other person ?
As
mentioned“It’s always better to lose people than to lose yourself.”
You see, when You will loose Yourself - You will always loose people.
When You will stay true to Yourself - many will find admiration to You among reasons —
One of them is being authentic despite what others will say - in other words there is semblance that You can be trusted.
Protect Your Peace at all costs
Either person appreciates You and follows rules You’ve given them how to treat You or they — Do not.
People have issues being strict with family members because they allow themselves emotions to get in picture..
But he is my uncle !
But she is my mother !
But she is my little star !
But he is my little prince !
Keep telling yourself that - make other person more important than You and Your life. Keep wasting time on arguing, fights, shouting and disrespect coming from given family member or more distant family.
If someone want to find understanding with You, cares for You or respects You - You will notice.
If someone walks all over You, ignores You and treat You poorly - You will notice.
You can tell by their eyes, posture, gestures, words and attitude crystallizing into one clear thought - do they want to loose me from their life or do they appreciate me in their life ?
Be wise
Be in control of Your emotions
Be calm
Be capable
Be in best shape You can be
Be.. Honorable
Do not compromise Your values and morals
Do not disrespect and do not allow disrespect from anyone - ever.
It will haunt You, and escalate more and more into situation You will regret.
Do not spend time on people who do not value or respect You.
We are here because those before Us, fought to the bone to survive, prosper and continue bloodline.
You are never alone..
Even when You think You are — thousands of souls are rooting for You.
I do too.. Osu
Share Your thoughts about respect and relations - I will gladly listen to Your view.
That's really intresting topic
I imagine Master J's voice to be solemn n low in tone while reading this. It sounds kinda serious yet very calm. The points are sharp but spot on. The whole article gave me the vibe of being very respectful, to self n others. Thank you for the teaching, learn well I have! 🙏😊